I know a young man who has recently graduated from college having completed a rigorous course of study in engineering. During college he had interned at a national transportation company which has now offered him a full-time job making what, in my fifty-six-year-old eyes, is an astonishing amount of money right out of the gate.
The young man is highly focused, driven, and clearly competent. If he can continue thus, and avoid strategic mistakes, then he can expect to be financially secure and that is a very good thing. Ask any man over fifty who is or is not. Money matters.
As to strategic mistakes it is a reality of human nature that we are inclined to make the most consequential decisions of our life when we are least prepared to make good ones, namely when we are young.
They say that youth is wasted on the young. If that is true then wisdom is wasted on the old. But this is only true if we view ourselves as isolated individuals, as opposed to individuals within familial or tribal groups, in which case the young man lends the old man his strength and boldness, while the old man lends the young man his experience and guidance.
Other men over fifty may speak for themselves, but since my youth I have made any number of major mistakes and I have paid dearly for each one. When advising young men, I wish I could download all those mistakes into their heads so that they really felt the consequences of each one. You really need to feel the pain to learn the lesson.
I think most people over thirty would agree that who one chooses to marry is one of the most consequential decisions that a man or woman will make because, most will agree, marriage is the principal font of human misery or happiness, or just discontent or contentment.
And the young man is wise who knows that he is not, and thus seeks the advice of his elders in making this most far-reaching of decisions.
So here is the advice that I gave the young man mentioned above.
First, take a step back and see the big picture. The rise of Feminism in this age, and the attendant Sexual Revolution and coming of No-Fault-Divorce has long since made marriage for young men riskier than it was for previous generations, and dangerous for the fool or the unprepared. So my advice is to embrace and be led by the following rules…
Rule #1: Get yourself squared away and prepared to be a good husband before beginning your search. You must be kind and patient. Your job as husband will be to put yourself in harness to provide for her and your children, and to stand guard over them until you drop down dead. They come first. Your tribe comes second. You get the leftovers.
Rule #2: As a rule of thumb do not marry until you are at least twenty-five because, as a rule of thumb, man isn’t fully cooked until then. See Rule #1.
Rule #3: Think with your brain. Sexual attraction is a great deceiver. Indeed only consider a woman with whom there is physical attraction, but keep that impulse under control until your brain has thoroughly vetted her interior. This is her substance, not her wrapper.
Rule #4: Never use porn. If you do, stop it. It’s mind-poison. If you must be addicted to something, use crack cocaine instead.
Rule#5: Abstain until marriage. If you are sexually active, quit it!
Rule #6: Never ever use crack cocaine.
Rule #7: Establish an advisory board of wise and trusted elders that are emotionally attached to you and genuinely have your best interest in mind. This board should consist of at least one man and one woman. They can be family or friends and I would say have at least three. They must all be aggressively anti-feminists and be able to explain why. Only court a woman that they approve.
Rule #8: Do not consider a woman that is not prepared to be a good wife. Consult your advisory board as to what constitutes a good wife.
Rule #9: Choose a woman with whom you share core values and thus one with whom you can become friends.
Rule #10: Choose a woman whose personality is compatible with yours, and thus one with whom you can become friends.
Rule #11: Choose a woman with whom you can become friends. You live in a crazy age where popular society will root for your marriage to fail, and the law has made getting divorced as easy as getting your driver’s license. Friendship is the glue that will help keep you together during the tough times. And they will come.
Rule #12: Choose a woman who is good-natured and feminine and do not consider anyone who is not.
Rule #13: Choose a woman who believes that woman is by nature the maker and keeper of the human home, and can state as much without qualification or embarrassment. See Rule #16.
Rule #14: Choose a woman with a very low body-count. Zero is ideal of course. In today’s rotten culture one can be overlooked. Mistakes happen. Two is troubling and again, mistakes happen. Three will require some explaining and careful review by your advisory board. Four or more and she is invisible.
Rule #15: Do not consider a party girl. Any woman whose favourite holiday is Spring Break is not to be considered. Let the party begin after marriage.
Rule #16: It should go without saying that you must not marry a feminist. But do not even consider a woman that even has feminist instincts or who ever utters the words ‘That’s not fair!’ when discussing the nature of man and woman.
Follow these rules and you’ll probably have a woman who will follow you through the valley of the shadow of death.
And a woman worth living, working, and dying for.
M.C. Atkins
Look Away... 