In human affairs, if there is one decision that the great majority of us make that stands head and shoulders above all others in consequence, it is who we will choose to marry. Indeed marriage will likely set off a chain of events that will be felt for a lifetime and generations to come.
Any twenty year old suspects this to be true. Any forty year old knows it to be true. Any sixty year will testify from the mountain tops.
This and other truisms need to be restated and justified because we live in strange times, made strange because a good quarter of us are challenging which way is up, thus forcing the rest of us defend the obvious.
So stand, stretch out your arm in line with your body directly above your head, extend your index finger, and try to touch the sky. That is the direction of up.
Likewise it should go without saying that marriage is born of our human nature, both man and woman being drawn to it, and that it is the font of human security and comfort for both the husband and wife, as well their children because children obviously need both their mother and father and all that the home they make together provides.
It should also be obvious that the Sexual Revolution of the 1960’s and the related coming of No-Fault-Divorce has since 1970 mass produced children born out of wedlock and broken homes, which has in turn mass produced people that are just a lil’ bit broken. We see these people everywhere today as well as in the mirror.
It is likewise obvious that as we grow older we grow wiser. At least usually.
It is also obvious that while we are individuals, virtually all of us live within familial groups and tribes, though modern the tribe may be. And heaven help the poor soul who finds himself truly alone, without family or tribe.
This all being the case, the young man or woman is wise who knows she is not and thus seeks and considers the counsel of the elders in her family and clan.
Likewise, said elders are wise who consider the young of their clan and lend them their experience and wisdom as they make important decisions in their youth that will have long term consequences for themselves as well as the whole family.
To better assure sound marriages in the next generation wise parents and family elders start by preparing their young to not only to be good and emotionally well balanced men and women but also good husbands and wives.
But it shouldn’t stop there.
For ages stretching back to the mist of history peoples everywhere have participated in the selection of their young’s spouse. Indeed arranged or semi-arranged marriages have been the norm until the modern age.
This grates us today only because we have been conditioned for generations now by radical notions of individuality, and during this same time romantic and sexual feelings have been elevated to principal considerations.
So let’s get this straight. In today’s paradigm you make the most important decision of your life, without a life time of experience to guide you, base on how you feel?
This is a recipe for disaster and the proof is in the pudding all around us and has been for years.
On the other hand some form of arranged marriages makes sense if we view ourselves as individuals within a family group, each of which is the font and support of the other.
Those ill-prepared for marriage, the immature, or the emotionally erratic or unbalanced should not expect to have a successful or satisfying marriage, but rather endless struggles until they grow up, straighten up, or break up.
But if you are a young grownup that is more or less squared away, and ready for the rest of your life to put someone else first, then my advice is pick two or three older members of your tribe (blood or not) who genuinely care about you, and ask them to help you vet suitors, or those to be suited. As it has been said for ages, there is wisdom in much counsel.
As for parents and clan elders, you ought not allow your young folk to introduce just any yahoo into the tribe.
M.C. Atkins
Look Away... 